Yesterday’s coy love notes have taken on a brazen form in today’s sexts but it’s still good ol’ flirting and sex that we are talking about here. Yet, a surprising number of people get it wrong to the point of disaster. So, whether you want to use naughty texting to spice up a ho-hum bedroom life or are pining for some action in uncharted territory, here is a no holds barred guide to sexting that will get you up to speed!
Sexting just for and teenagers and young adults?
What do those kids know about the pleasures of mind sex? Yes, they are going around doings stupid things like sending nude selfies to the world at large, and many will live to regret their folly, but that is about it.
They simply don’t have the impetus or the patience to use this art form for what it really is. Sexting is flirtation and foreplay rolled into one and when used well, this can be the most potent weapon in your sexual arsenal!
Do, I hear you say, but I am too old for naughty texts? Well, a survey of dating sites revealed that nearly 48% of the men and 45% of the women on the portal had indulged in sexting and these are people in their thirties and above that we are discussing here. So, unless you are standing at the gates of heaven or hell, you still have plenty of time and reason to try sexts.
Oh the conundrum of what to say when sexting!
You can send sexually charged pictures, videos or words as long as you follow a few common sense rules that apply to sexts as much as they do to any social interaction. For example, will you just go up to somebody with the declaration that you want to screw his/her brains out? Possibly not if you are in control of your mental faculties! To put it simply, what you say in your texts will depend on the level of sexual familiarity between the recipient and you. In keeping with this principle, sexts can be divided into 3 categories:
Working for it:
You need to be sure that the person you are communicating with is as sexually interested in you as you are in him/her. Not every best friend is interested in being a friend with benefit, so tread carefully here. Start with some harmless flirty messages like:
• This one is corny but still works, “what are you wearing right now?”
• You alone in your bedroom?
• I am really missing you right now and I need more than just a friendly shoulder.
• It is really cold outside and I need some warmth, what about you?
The innuendos are unmistakable, unless your bestie is a regular at your adult pajama party. So, you can consider yourself in the green if you get a reassuring response such as:
• Sure, I’d like that.
• Why not!
• I don’t mind trying that.
• We could do that.
But, if things go awry and the person responds with a sound instead of word or with “I am not so sure” or a direct, I don’t think we should go there, just back track and play it cool with, “sorry, that wasn’t meant for you.”
Testing the waters:
If you get a positive signal, press on and get more adventurous with something along the lines of:
• “If I were right there with you, what would you do to me or what would you like me to do to you?
• “I want to take off your clothes, what should I go for first?” If you are lucky, she may say she is buck naked and you will have hit the jackpot.
• Nothing works better than the promise of a kiss, “I just want to kiss you right now or feel your lips on mine or I want to do nothing more than taste your mouth right now”.
This stuff may seem tame as compared to what you really want to go for but that is the whole point. You can’t be talking about pee-pee’s and vee- vee’s unless you are absolutely sure that is where the other person wants to go. Also, even if you are not following James Franco’s lead in sexting an underage person, you will be surprised with the number of adults who are squeamish about sex talk or sex text in this case.
So, this is the point at which you understand the boundaries of your interlocutor. Take your sights away from the direction of the build up and you will be left in a void of sexting horror and shock and you don’t want that. So, if the response to your “fuck” is “make love”, stick with the latter.
Battle of the bang
Now that you are into the thick of things, bring out the heavy artillery. By all means talk about what part of his/her body you want to touch and how. What you want to do with her lady bits and how you intend to your use man tool or if you are a woman sexting, tell him what you are showing him and what you are doing with him and feeling as he has his way with you.
Remember the trick here is to keep the innuendos dripping and gradually move towards all out raunchiness. Once you stand up and say, “and then, I fuck you hard and harder and harder still, the narrative gets repetitive and boring.
If you are not sure about how your attempts at sexting will be received, you can always play it safe with the rule-“No Sexting Before Sexing”. The advantage of sticking to this rule is that you have already done the deed. So, hopefully, nobody is going to be abashed when it comes to talking about it. The disadvantage is that you would be giving up the chance of playing on several greener and hitherto unexplored fields.
Thou shall not commit these cardinal sins of sexting!
1. Do not sext strangers, you perv!
2. No sexting with casual acquaintances even if you are living for the day when you get to slide their pants off.
3. They should put up signs for this one- NO SEXTING WHEN DRUNK!
4. No using emoji in sexting.
5. Don’t go overboard with the emoticons.
6. The word “penetrate” is just too gynecological and ugh, why even “take you” and “F you” sounds better in comparison, really!
The 4 Golden Rules of Successful Sexting!
1. Use grown up lingo, talk the talk if you are interested in the walk! So, you are not just hot but also very wet/hard as the case may be.
2. Sexting is not for everyday. It is the unpredictability that makes it exciting. So, indulge in this form of play too often and it is bound to lose its charm.
3. Have a clear understanding of where you want things to go. Will the huffing and puffing only be digital or you intend to take it out of the mobile world? You certainly don’t want to leave a guy/gal high and dry after he/she has tired his fingers texting you for 2 hours, only to find that there will be no real action involved.
4. Even if you have been sleeping with the object of your digital attention, mix up the naughty and the nice messages to keep things steamy. For instance:
• I just saw this really hot picture and I could only think of you.
• I am going to wear my shortest skirt tonight with no panties on.
• All I want right now is to feel you inside me.
• Tell me what you want me to do to you tonight.
• I don’t know why, but all I am thinking about right now is sex with you!
• Come home tonight and we will do dinner and porn.
• How would you feel about sex in public?
• Guess the color of my panties and you get a blowjob.
• I have been walking around wet and bothered since you kissed me in the morning.
• The sex last night was so amazing; I can still feel your touch all over me.
• Damn, I am so horny right now, I wish you were here.
• I just thought about a really dirty thing to do to you. In fact, it is so dirty that I cannot even text about it.
• If you are really nice, tonight you will find out what heaven feels like.
• Oral, anal, regular, choose one for the rest of your life!
• I miss you so much just about now. How I want to be with you right at this moment!
• Let us spend this weekend in bed; you, me, food, wine and mind blowing sex.
• I want you to take me and take me so hard right now, right here while I am in my office.
As you can see, all of these are meant to arouse, some more subtly than the others but they get the job done and keep things interesting! Of course, there is also another side to this coin. If you want to know what the epic sexting failures look like, check them out at http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-biggest-sexting-fails-of-all-time#.dvEPZPDWG.
And, you thought only teens are worried about being caught when sexting!
Anthony Weiner’s destruction of his career has certainly not been in vain. Even though it did nothing for him, it did teach the rest of us about just how important it is to be safe when sexting. This is how you can protect yourself while having fun:
• If you are going to send out nudies, make sure that they cannot be traced back to you. One way to do this is to use a photoshopping software and blur out the face. Also, remember that most phones will add a meta description to the images that are taken by using the device camera, but this can easily be stopped.
• Do not use social networking accounts like Twitter or Facebook for your sexting.
• Use a cloaking device such as a privacy screen if you intend to sext in public.
• Delete your messages frequently.
• If you need to save something, lock it away using dropbox.
There is a right time for everything, even sexting!
According to a study mentioned on the Observer, most people are busy with sexting adventures on Tuesday during office hours. But, it can be extremely risky to sext when at work and worse yet to sext using your professional number/phone.
A lot of workplaces track phone use, so be careful. Also, you are simply being discourteous if you think it is alright to send a person a sexually explicit message in the middle of his/her work day. Depending on the kind of liaison you are having, weekends may also be off limits because that is typically family time and you do not want somebody’s significant other to discover the clandestine affair. The best way is still to pick a time when you know that the recipient is free. Late evenings work quite well but if you are not sure, just text to get a feel.
There is also some debate about how much time you should let pass between two sexts. This is a highly subjective topic. If you are in the middle of digital masturbation, things will have cooled off to the point of irritation if you make the other person wait for a good 15 to 20 minutes to receive your next message.
On the other hand, if you want to know if the recipient is intimately interested in you, send a message and wait for a response. As a thumb rule, go for no more than 2 messages back to back; OK at the most limit yourself to 3, but then wait for the recipient to respond.
Put your sexting on hyperdrive!
Sexting is just another name for mind fuck, which means that you need to understand the mind of your recipient if you really want to set things on fire.
The penis and the eyes are linked: Men are visual creatures, so expect them to respond to descriptions that make them imagine who is standing in front of them. Don’t just say, I am naked, tell him what he is going to see now that you are in your birthday suit. And, if you trust him 200%, show him! Mix up the pics and the words and you will have the man in question salivating and begging for more.
The vag is linked to the heart: Yes, she wants to hear about how hard you are going to be doing her but before that she wants to know about how and where you will touch her. This is after all mental foreplay, so take it slow and romantically, just the way you would in the bedroom. In fact, this is a surefire way to ensure that at some point, both of you start sexting with one hand and she is not just flipping through TV channels as she types those moans of orgasm.
What are the best programs to use for sexting?
Depending on the type of media that you want to exchange, you can use any of these:
• Snapchat: Not always safe but at least you can put a limit on the amount of time for which your picture can be viewed.
• Poke: The Facebook clone of Snapchat works pretty much in the same way but you will be using your FB username.
• Regular SMS: Can be deleted easily but can be accessed by any and all, unless you have your phone locked under password.
• Whatsapp: This one and all its clones are for instant gratification.
• Gif Chat: If you have a hot video to share, use this program with the self destruct feature.
• Between: The name says it all; this program is perfect for couples as it lets you keep your sweet nothings and hot everythings in a safe place.
• iDelete: A photosharing app that is infinitely more private and secure than Snapchat.
• KiK: If you are going for anonymity, this is the program to use.
Although there is much hysteria surrounding sexting, a recent article in the Huffington Post had two therapists explaining that online sex games and phone sex actually give couples the chance to express themselves in ways that they don’t normally do. In fact, for those in a long distance relationship, this is the best way to maintain the connection and for couples with bedroom issues, these naughty texts serve as the perfect and an effective prelude to sex. So, people sext away!
